How To Shop: The Eleven Commandments

  1. Know exactly what you are looking for

  2. Conversely, just browse till you fall in love with something expensive and inappropriate

  3. If you are unsure, leave the store. If the potential purchase calls to you from the shop, then you know

  4. Always work out the cost per wear: £200 boots you'll wear everyday: way cheaper than a Starbucks

  5. In fact, so cheap, if you really like them, you should get two pairs

  6. Always buy two of something you really like; it just won't be there when you go back. But make sure it's timeless, otherwise you're buggered

  7. Contrary to popular magazine advice, never buy timeless classics in the sales: look for something kooky and eccentric you'd never usually contemplate

  8. If you eat two chocolate digestive biscuits, they cancel each other out. Whoops, wrong list

  9.  Never "think" about something for too long: most stores have about four sub-seasons per season, and there's very little chance of the same thing being there in your size when you want it

  10. Know what suits you: don't succumb to strange unsightly trends because some over-hyped it-girl is wearing a pelmet skirt. If you have fat legs, wear black trousers

  11. Don't wear black trousers every day, or people will realise you have fat legs and are following rule ten

10 September 2002

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